RELATIONSHIP: What type of baggage are you traveling with?

We tend to romanticize relationships. Often-times, I've found myself dreaming of having the perfect relationship with my perfect man. A man who is confident, articulate, compassionate, and generous. These amongst many others were the attributes that I prayed for. So much so that I bargained with God. '"God, please send him to me!" I begged.  "If you reveal him to me early, not only will I accept him as he is, but I promise I'll help get him to where he needs to be." I bargained.

A few months later entered the presumed man of my desires. Fast forward two years later and everything about him coupled with my intuition confirms that he is THE ONE for me, but wait.... remember that promise I made? Yeah, I didn't realize that God would really take me up on that offer nor did I realize what I had really asked for. You see, He held up His end of the bargain. I got a confident man who is very articulate, compassionate, and generous. In fact, I got a few extra bonuses thrown in -- he's chivalrous, affectionate, mature, intellectual and driven.

But see, the thing I didn't really account for was that this man, much like anyone else, would have a past. Since getting to know him, I've discovered that the attributes I've always desired in my ideal man, this current man, came as a result of the experiences that shaped his life. That he wasn't intrinsically born already encompassing the things that I hoped and prayed for. But rather, he had to live a life that demanded he face certain circumstances that would eventually mold him into the man I needed him to be. He had to love. He had to play. He had to lose. He had to suffer. He had to work. He had to fight. He had to make difficult choices. He had to sacrifice. And in the process he matured. And from his mistakes he learned lessons. He grew wiser. He grew stronger. He became more of what I needed. But because I was impatient and asked for him early, it also came with a cost. So early he arrived, but he hadn't fully recovered from his past. He was bruised and scared but it was healing. So those wounds became ever present reminders that his journey was not easy nor smooth. It was tough. It is was difficult. It left scars from which only time and patience could heal. And that is where I am left to uphold my end of the bargain. To accept him as he was, and help him get to where is needed to be.

Everyone comes into a relationship with baggage. So the question becomes, what type of bags are you traveling with? You see, I come from a middle class family. Life for me hasn't been all that hard. My lessons haven't been nearly as tough because I was gifted opportunities, resources and most of all parents (yes, plural) who ensured that I didn't stray too far from the beaten path. This is a luxury that not everyone is afforded.  So while I was romanticizing my future perfect relationship, it didn't dawn on me to take my head out the clouds and plant my feet square on the ground in order to brace myself for what life had in store. I'm used to carrying a tote bag, but my person, he carries large, international traveling sized checked bags WITH broken handles. Needless to say, I'm so out of my comfort zone.

Of all the things I'm learning, the toughest lesson has been PATIENCE. In a time when everything around us happens in an instant, possessing patience is definitely a virtue. Reading 1 Corinthians 13:4 I've always noticed that PATIENCE was listed first. I'm sure that is not by coincidence. To truly love someone, a flawed being, requires a significant amount of patience; it requires loving someone past the damage enough to be responsible in carefully dressing the wounds.  Patience doesn't mean docile and it isn't for the weak-minded. It requires a great amount of inner strength.

"Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. It means to look at the thorns and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn." The Forty Rules of Love

So here I am, prayers answered, with the man specifically crafted for me. Somedays I have no clue as to how I'm going to uphold my end of this bargain. But I know that I'm committed to him. I'm committed to us.  And when you choose to love someone you're not just acknowledging a feeling, you're also acknowledging a decision. Love is a choice. Therefore, I choose to commit to the struggle because I know the ends justifies the means. So everyday I make the decision to accept this challenge. To walk by faith through the haze of limited perceptions and stay focused in the midst of public opinions.  In the end, I know that there is no one I'd rather be in this predicament with because he is stronger. He is wiser. He is more mature. I draw strength from him. He is articulate and compassionate so I don't struggle alone. Communicating with him is constructive, honest, liberating  and in some ways effortless. It grounds me as I try to maintain my balance and sanity. He is compassionate. He is kind. He is conscious of the aftermath from his experiences. All of which have now become our experiences and is sympathetic to the plight I now face. He is driven to see not only himself but us through these obstacles. He is determined and his walk is unwavering when outside forces meet us with resistance. He is confident in the man that he has grown to become and continues to pursue the husband and father he is determined to be.

Each day as we travel together and we make it a little further the baggage becomes lighter, we become more lionhearted and the wounds a little smaller. And I know that the longer I continue this journey with him the more resistant we will become; the more fortified our union, the closer our bond and the stronger we'll grow as individuals. Traveling alongside him has been an adventure to say the least, but I know that this journey will be worthwhile.

So I ask again, what type of baggage are you traveling with?

NATURAL HAIR: 2 Years Natural Hair Journey

Ask me and I'll easily tell you RETURNING NATURAL was one of THE best decisions I've ever made in life.  It's funny because I didn't intentionally plan it. I just wanted healthier hair. But an interesting thing happens when one educates themselves.  You learn. You process.  You re-evaluate.  You CHANGE. And in doing so my hair journey evolved into something more than just hair. It has cleansed my mind, renewed my vision, awoken my consciousness, washed away self-doubt, re prioritized my health, and refocused my purpose... because when you finally SEE and ACCEPT the BEAUTY of what the CREATOR has CRAFTED in its ORIGINAL CONTEXT you stop accepting the lies and half-truths from propaganda that's been clouding your judgement all along. And it makes you question and re-evaluate EVERYTHING you've ever been led to believe. 

Along my journey, I've heard so many females compliment me but in the same breath say 'I can't' 'I won't look right' 'I'd look a hot mess' or 'I don't have the right type of head shape, face or hair'... Now while I'm not one to judge a person for their preference I do find it unsettling that some women's preference is more an obligation than an OPTION. You enslave yourself with that type of small thinking. YOU define that which is beautiful, NOT the media (or anyone else for that matter). I can accept that everyone has their own path to take. I simply encourage you to be curious enough to take the first step.  I'm sure you'd be amazed at where your steps can take you. As for me, I know I was destined for this. I look back and am so appreciative of the ups and downs of my JOURNEY. It has helped me see and experience my world differently. So if nothing else here's my takeaway:  'Stop focusing on the other side of the fence because the grass will ALWAYS be GREENER where YOU water it.'

**steps off soapbox**

Submission originally posted March 21, 2014

LIFE: Society Needs Rehab

Capitalism has pimped our society on the mantra of ' GO GO GO, DO DO DO' but buying into this schematic has obliterated our ability to stop and think. See, thinking opposes the very thing we're all striving to beat in our quick-paced lifestyle, time. We're trying to become rich as fast as we possiblly can. To go as many places as we possibly can. To do and experience as many things as we possibly can. To acquire the notarity....the fame... the fortune...AS. FAST. AS. WE. POSSIBLY. CAN. We're running so fast trying to get where we're going that we're not even LOOKING at the finish line nor the direction we're headed. We're focused on the speed. Our society is so cracked out on obtaining  success that we completely negate the fact that no one, successful or not, is ever really satisfied. Once we reach a certain level it's never enough. We're constantly looking for something else.... something different, something bigger, something better, something  stronger to give us that next high. We're strung out and society NEEDS rehab.

We're treating life as if it's a game with a 'one size fits all' set of rules. He who follows and finishes first or the fastest wins, as stated in said rules. Life is not that linear and structured. It's fluid, forever changing  forms, changing speed, changing rhythms...it's forever evolving. That's the only real constant. Truth be told, if life is a game you first must realize everyone doesn't even start off in the same place. Just like, everyone's finish line isn't the same either. So why are we all following the same rules? WHAT ARE WE DOING?!? and more importantly, WHY ARE WE DOING IT?!?

[ THINKING REQUIRED HERE ]

See the problem with thinking is that it takes TIME, so toss out the clocks. Thinking requires FOCUSED attention, so stop the multi-tasking.  Thinking takes PATIENCE, so drop the urge to rush. Thinking is an art form, unto itself. Thinking is the REHAB that society needs.  

The only way to 'win' is to stop playing by pre-manufactured rules and create your own. When you become the creator you then become the manifestor of your reality and the conductor of your happiness. The pursuit to happiness becomes personal and the path becomes clearer. 

Times such as these I find the relevance of  that which seemed meaningless in gradeschool. Remember when you felt like everything you were being taught seemed trivial to living in the 'real world'.... yeah, time to re-think that too.  A lot of the answers  to things we're searching for were given to us at much to early an age for our young minds to even comprehend the gravity of the resource that was so easily dropped into our laps. Just thinking about BLOOM'S TAXONOMY alone is enough to realize that this principle is the very guide that can be used to writing your own rules. Evaluate, Synethsis, Analyze, Apply, Comprehend THEN Understand. When we take the time to do this we stop buying into the very things that have been fed to us. We see the benefits in being patient instead of impatient; we understand the appeal of taking our time instead of just taking time . You see that it's more nutritious for our lives to dine on homemade rather than fast food. We receive more of the benefits and less of the hazardous stuff. In essence, when you begin to REALLY think your priorities change. Your actions change.  Your world changes. YOU CHANGE. And I guarantee that when you do an unprecedented feeling of liberation will overtake you and satifisy you in all the ways you've been searching for. 

So... RE-THINK LIFE.

Failed blog

I took the time to blog this morning and after all my hard work it was erased. Shame.