RELATIONSHIP: What type of baggage are you traveling with?

We tend to romanticize relationships. Often-times, I've found myself dreaming of having the perfect relationship with my perfect man. A man who is confident, articulate, compassionate, and generous. These amongst many others were the attributes that I prayed for. So much so that I bargained with God. '"God, please send him to me!" I begged.  "If you reveal him to me early, not only will I accept him as he is, but I promise I'll help get him to where he needs to be." I bargained.

A few months later entered the presumed man of my desires. Fast forward two years later and everything about him coupled with my intuition confirms that he is THE ONE for me, but wait.... remember that promise I made? Yeah, I didn't realize that God would really take me up on that offer nor did I realize what I had really asked for. You see, He held up His end of the bargain. I got a confident man who is very articulate, compassionate, and generous. In fact, I got a few extra bonuses thrown in -- he's chivalrous, affectionate, mature, intellectual and driven.

But see, the thing I didn't really account for was that this man, much like anyone else, would have a past. Since getting to know him, I've discovered that the attributes I've always desired in my ideal man, this current man, came as a result of the experiences that shaped his life. That he wasn't intrinsically born already encompassing the things that I hoped and prayed for. But rather, he had to live a life that demanded he face certain circumstances that would eventually mold him into the man I needed him to be. He had to love. He had to play. He had to lose. He had to suffer. He had to work. He had to fight. He had to make difficult choices. He had to sacrifice. And in the process he matured. And from his mistakes he learned lessons. He grew wiser. He grew stronger. He became more of what I needed. But because I was impatient and asked for him early, it also came with a cost. So early he arrived, but he hadn't fully recovered from his past. He was bruised and scared but it was healing. So those wounds became ever present reminders that his journey was not easy nor smooth. It was tough. It is was difficult. It left scars from which only time and patience could heal. And that is where I am left to uphold my end of the bargain. To accept him as he was, and help him get to where is needed to be.

Everyone comes into a relationship with baggage. So the question becomes, what type of bags are you traveling with? You see, I come from a middle class family. Life for me hasn't been all that hard. My lessons haven't been nearly as tough because I was gifted opportunities, resources and most of all parents (yes, plural) who ensured that I didn't stray too far from the beaten path. This is a luxury that not everyone is afforded.  So while I was romanticizing my future perfect relationship, it didn't dawn on me to take my head out the clouds and plant my feet square on the ground in order to brace myself for what life had in store. I'm used to carrying a tote bag, but my person, he carries large, international traveling sized checked bags WITH broken handles. Needless to say, I'm so out of my comfort zone.

Of all the things I'm learning, the toughest lesson has been PATIENCE. In a time when everything around us happens in an instant, possessing patience is definitely a virtue. Reading 1 Corinthians 13:4 I've always noticed that PATIENCE was listed first. I'm sure that is not by coincidence. To truly love someone, a flawed being, requires a significant amount of patience; it requires loving someone past the damage enough to be responsible in carefully dressing the wounds.  Patience doesn't mean docile and it isn't for the weak-minded. It requires a great amount of inner strength.

"Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. It means to look at the thorns and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn." The Forty Rules of Love

So here I am, prayers answered, with the man specifically crafted for me. Somedays I have no clue as to how I'm going to uphold my end of this bargain. But I know that I'm committed to him. I'm committed to us.  And when you choose to love someone you're not just acknowledging a feeling, you're also acknowledging a decision. Love is a choice. Therefore, I choose to commit to the struggle because I know the ends justifies the means. So everyday I make the decision to accept this challenge. To walk by faith through the haze of limited perceptions and stay focused in the midst of public opinions.  In the end, I know that there is no one I'd rather be in this predicament with because he is stronger. He is wiser. He is more mature. I draw strength from him. He is articulate and compassionate so I don't struggle alone. Communicating with him is constructive, honest, liberating  and in some ways effortless. It grounds me as I try to maintain my balance and sanity. He is compassionate. He is kind. He is conscious of the aftermath from his experiences. All of which have now become our experiences and is sympathetic to the plight I now face. He is driven to see not only himself but us through these obstacles. He is determined and his walk is unwavering when outside forces meet us with resistance. He is confident in the man that he has grown to become and continues to pursue the husband and father he is determined to be.

Each day as we travel together and we make it a little further the baggage becomes lighter, we become more lionhearted and the wounds a little smaller. And I know that the longer I continue this journey with him the more resistant we will become; the more fortified our union, the closer our bond and the stronger we'll grow as individuals. Traveling alongside him has been an adventure to say the least, but I know that this journey will be worthwhile.

So I ask again, what type of baggage are you traveling with?